10 ways to fit in as a Londoner
Whether you’re a Londoner, or a visitor with a need be accepted, this list will help to train you in the ways of everything that is London so that you’ll fit in with all of the other tossers here to a tee.
1. Own the escalators
Londoners own the escalators. Screw everyone else who wants to get past, you own this. You are standing here, unless you know, someone is in front of you – in which case everybody else better get a-moving! Bonus points earned for tutting at others for standing on the wrong side of the stairs before shoving past on the 5 second long journey.
2. Barge on to the tube
3. Be hipster
Pft, no you don’t live in a normal flat or house. You live in a converted warehouse that used to be a meat packing factory. A flat? Geez! What is this, 2015? Now perhaps it’s time to go and use that mustache cream that you got for your 35th birthday from your Mum.
4. Turn your nose at the elderly
5. Never make small talk
6. Leave bags on the tube
7. Rush, like you’ve never rushed before
Today has been a drag. The cat is waiting at home, you need to get home as quickly as possible else the world might end. Get out of the way you stupid tourist! Don’t you know people have somewhere important to be?
8. Escape the city… and then complain
Ahh, just what you needed. A break from the hustle and bustle of the London streets. This little place in Thailand will be amazing, you can travel around and experience life, and – what, there’s no wi-fi?!? How are you going to have a good time now?
9. Declare everyone north of the M25 northern
10. Be miserable
Written, despairingly, by a Londoner.
If you have any more ways to fit in as a Londoner, make sure to comment below…
The owner of The Culture Mag. I love alternative music, films that make me think, oh and anything to do with food!